In The Smiles That Aren't My Own

Ooohh, rough night.  Just... wow.

I dreamed repeatedly of my mother's last moments.  I saw the arm gestures her body made as she left this life a few weeks ago recreated on my children and my husband, even as they continued to speak to me, as though they had no notice of what their limbs were doing. The message was clear. Death comes for all of us.

I didn't try to go back to sleep. I got out of bed and started the day, early, and that lethargic, heavy-limb feeling is hanging on hours later.  There is zero energy to try and dance.  I stretched, lightly, just to get the blood flowing- that's important on these days that begin with the nightmares.  Pump the blood. 

Failing at healthful movement or healthy eating, I decided to catch up on Facebook details for tonight's gypsy skirt class.

And I saw it.

Beautiful smiles.  Three faces, glowing with joy at a dance event.  One of my dance sisters made her profile picture a shot taken of her in the middle of Wild Woman Gypsy, where Kan'Nal encourages us all to "bring down the fire!"  The picture is a piece of  life- a quick, shared moment of joy, a new experience, the cumulation of artistry in musician, choreographer and dancer.

I ventured on to look for other signs of beauty, in my Facebook feed, and found them.  Why?  Because I have laid the foundation for the support I need by acquiring wise, humorous, caring, funny souls who fill their boards with "~Crone Wisdom~" "Here's my weaving creation!" "We are traveling AGAIN!" "My first baby bump!" and "Just look at this peaceful garden."

FILL YOUR WORLD WITH THOSE WHO WILL HELP YOU LEAD THE LIFE YOU DESIRE.

It doesn't mean you have to end things with those who don't in a cruel manner, but end them you should.  This seems especially true for those of us who have had part of our heart, our souls removed by life's chaos, chance or change.

I can smile now, after what some would deem wasted time.  I can now be a bit more present for those who need me, the work I have to get done and for the family I love.  In the smiles of others, I reconnected with my own.

Robin's smile